May 9, 2008   

Share Your Thoughts With Other YPP Members

Miscellaneous/Other (April 25, 2008):

Hi Dave and Jewel,

I am a student in university and I am going to go the graduate school. In order to attend the top-flight school, I have to work hard to prepare for it. However, recently, I have a problem on concentration. Whenever I start studying, I am always distraced from my study easily. Also, I feel like being sleepy all the time even though I have enough sleep.
What can I do to overcome these problems?
Thanks so much for answering my questions.

with friendly regards

Milky

Dave (May 5, 2008):

Dear Milky:

Focusing on homework can be a struggle for many students, so realize you’re not alone. That being said, there are many support groups for people in your position, whether on or off campus. Perhaps you would feel comfortable joining study groups and getting pointers on how to better stay diligent with your studies.

There’s no quick fix to solve your problem, though. It’s all about mental clarity and telling yourself to focus on the task at hand. Some people find meditation before homework helpful because it clears the mind and can rid your head of many distractions. Also, I recommend you study far from TV, stereos, computers and other possible recreation. Those goodies can easily sway you from boring ol’ homework.

If you feel sleepy after a well-rested night, you could have a physical problem that goes beyond fatigue. People with low iron often feel tired for no reason. Go to a doctor and find out what’s up with you in that respect, because it’s better safe than sorry.

And you should study early in the day (as opposed to midnight) because you will feel more refreshed at 6 p.m. when there’s still some daylight outside.

Friends and family (April 16, 2008):

Hi Dave,

I'm starting to lose my friends because they're getting more interested in hanging out with girls. I'm 13 and I like girls, but I like hanging out with guys, playing sports and stuff.

Now, when I say we should go throw a football around for awhile they say they're going over to some girl's house instead. How do I compete with that?

GETTING LONELY

Dave (April 21, 2008):

Dear GETTING LONELY:

It’s not about competing with girls but realizing how interacting with the opposite sex should complement your socializing. It’s only natural that boys will want to hang with girls sometime. Don’t get too pessimistic about it — I’m sure there will be times when your buddies want to play sports. Thing is, they might not want to play catch all the time.

And if you’re really interested in sports, why not join a league or shinny game? You’ll be associating with guys who play sports regularly, so that will satisfy your itch in some respect. Then again, perhaps you miss your friends, who are drifting away slowly. That’s a natural thing, GL, and it may happen to you sooner than you think. Darn puberty.

If this situation is bothering you a lot, why not let your friends know? I always recommend straight-up communication when you got something burning on your mind, even if it may cause a mini-argument. So what? At least you’ll be able to let your friends now that you enjoy their company and want to relive the good ol’ days.

Miscellaneous/Other (April 16, 2008):

Hi Dave,

There's this guy in my Grade 8 class who is a real bully. Others in my class are asking me to fight him, because I'm bigger than him. I'm big, but I don't like to fight. What should I do.

BIG GUY

Dave (April 28, 2008):

Dear BIG GUY:

If you don’t like to fight, don’t fight. Peer pressure shouldn’t provoke you to fight, no matter the reason. Sure, teaching this bully a lesson may sound like a good idea, but there’s no point risking your safety or your academic record just to teach a moron human decency. He’s going to have to learn that on his own.

Tell your classmates to ignore the bully. Those kinds of aggressors are like advertisements – the more you ignore them, the quicker they disappear. I know, easier said than done, but giving these bullies the attention they crave only fuels their fire.

I suggest you let teachers know what’s up about this guy, especially if he’s seriously harming your friends. Of course, if this guy starts fighting you, there may come a time when you’ll need to defend yourself. That’s another story, another advice column.

Good luck!

Body image and health (April 10, 2008):

Hi Jewel,

I'm the tallest person in my Grade 7 class and I already have big boobs.

The guys make fun of me but they're all a bunch of twerps. At what age do guys actually develop a brain? I can't wait.

TALL GIRL

Jewel (April 22, 2008):

Dear T.G.,

You’re beautiful; T.G. Don’t let ANYONE tell you otherwise!

In fact, warn these guys that you’ll take action if they don’t put a sock in it. Speak to your teacher if they persist. There’s no reason why you should have to put up with their behavior. Make an appointment with your school principal if necessary.

By the same token, I want you to keep your opinions in check. I realize you’re frustrated, but labeling all male youth as brainless isn’t fair. Read: Every dude is an individual.

Believe me, there are nice guys out there. If you peer close enough, you’ll realize every bloke has his own likes, dislikes, strengths and weaknesses. Don’t let a few rotten apples muddy your vision of a whole handsome forest.

As for maturity, we all grow up at our own pace. There’s no fixed time for either gender.

Right now, focus on your own development. Study. Play. Work. You may also find comfort in hanging out with like-minded people who share common interests with you. Who knows, you may just run into a few sweet guys along the way!

Love, Jewel.

Friends and family (April 10, 2008):

Hi Jewel,

My dad is really into time management and he wants me to be the same. He tells me I waste so much time watching TV and listening to music.

The trouble is, I like watching TV and listening to music. My school marks are good and I'm not causing him any grief with drugs, relationships or anything else.

He says I should have at least one goal for each day. Aren't I too young for all this structure? I'm 17.

UNSTRUCTURED

Jewel (April 14, 2008):

Dear Unstructured,

Um, hello? You’re totally NOT giving yourself enough credit. Case in point: Your signoff. As a good student, you obviously have respect for deadlines. That, my dear, takes constant “structuring” of priorities. You’ve obviously got this down.

Secondly, you’re standing at the brink of adulthood at age 17. Yes, you’re still young, but at the same time you’re about to plunge into new waters. Read: You’ve got to prepare to be balanced.

I honestly don’t think your dad is trying to be a structuring cop. Slipping one goal into your daily routine is really no biggie. It can actually make life more interesting.

Think about it. Right now, you’re escaping through TV and music. However, there’s a whole world out there. Dedicating an hour of your day to other goodies will give you a multi-layered spin on things.

Begin by making a list of potential experiences you’d like to uncork. It could involve reading the bestseller you heard about. Perhaps, you can jazz up your exercise routine with a new workout. You may want to look into volunteering to help out a cause. Or, you can finish up that art project you forgot about.

Share these fresh developments with your dad. It’ll help ease his mind when it comes to your growth as a human being. Use this opportunity to get to know your father. Ask about his goals, and what he’s learning through the motions.

Remember, honest dialogue has the power to wipe out misunderstandings.

Love, Jewel.

Friends and family (April 10, 2008):

Hi Jewel,

What is a reasonable curfew for a Grade 12 girl?

My parents don't let me go out during the week and Fridays and Saturdays I have to be home by 11:30. I don't think it's fair because my friends stay out later.

How can I win this fight?

EARLY BIRD

Jewel (April 21, 2008):

Dear E.B.,

I can relate to your frustrations, E.B. I, too, grew up with overprotective parents. In hindsight, I now realize their hearts were in the right place. They were simply trying to protect me. I’m willing to bet your folks harbour similar feelings about you.

“Winning” anything in life requires a clear mindset and constructive goals. Right now, your objective should be to prove that you’re a responsible teen. In turn, you’ll have more bargaining power with mom and dad.

Start by hitting the books hard. Take part in extra-curricular activities. Volunteer for a good cause. Keep up with your chores.

Next, put your folks’ minds at ease. Give them the opportunity to get to know your friends. Enroll in a self-defense class. Build a relationship with your family.

Accept that your parents aren’t going to change overnight. Hence, you’ve got to learn to meet them halfway. Don’t ask to stay out late every weekend, but rather seek permission for special events.

If your parents give you the green light, then you should use these outings to relax their minds even further. Call during the evening to check in, and to say everything is fine.

Don’t lose your cool if you still have misunderstandings. A temper tantrum will only propel you backwards. Read: You don’t want that.

Remember, comparing yourself to other people isn’t healthy. Everyone’s life circumstances are different. Work on bettering yourself, and good things will follow.

Love, Jewel.

Miscellaneous/Other (April 10, 2008):

Hi Jewel,

My friend just got a car and I think it's so cool. She will have it when she goes away to college in the fall.

I have money in the bank for a down payment, but I also need the money for college in the fall. I would really like a car. Do you think I should wait until I have more money? My parents told me to forget it until I'm working full-time.

CAR CRAZY GAL

Jewel (May 5, 2008):

Dear C.C.G.,


All of us desire material things from time-to-time. However, we’d all wind up broke if we were to splurge on everything we fancy.

So far, you haven’t justified why you need this car. You need to figure out if this purchase falls into the category of a necessity and not just a frivolous want. Read: It’s time for a pros and cons list.

You also need to look at your financial situation regarding college. Paying your fees should be your first priority. After all, your education is a concrete investment in your future.

There’s a huge difference between short-term gains and long-term achievements. You can’t give priority to a fleeting want over a powerful college degree. I personally don’t have my driver’s licence, but I get a kick out of a fun car ride, too.

Love, Jewel.

Relationships (April 10, 2008):

Hi Dave,

How come guys don't talk about serious things like relationships. I can have a good talk with some of the girls I know, but guys don't seem to want to go there.

I'm going to college in the fall and I'm wondering if guys there will be different. Do you think they will?

SERIOUS GUY

Dave (April 14, 2008):

Dear SERIOUS GUY:

First, it’s wrong to paint all guys into one stereotype. Many dudes I know can talk deeply about relationships or philosophy or religion. But you’re right in thinking that high school guys might not want to pursue higher enlightenment, especially when there’s pressure to be “cool” or conform to status quo.

In college, you should feel at home. Students want to learn more than what they were taught at high school, and I think that thirst for knowledge extends to extracurricular conversations. You’ll find friends who want to talk about the complexities of relationships, the social layers behind dating. It’s just a matter of you getting acquainted with the right people.

Just a side note: some guys might not “talk serious” at first, especially in group settings. But when alone, guys can have as many intriguing thoughts about something than anyone. Sometimes, it’s just a matter of finding one-on-one time.